Milestones: A fey´s life

[UlaumeSarestes]

Since Lyric posted hers, I thought I might as well... he, he.

Here goes my tale about one extraordinary fey, feel free to comment if you like.

PART 1: BABY

I am The Lord of that which passes between. The King of the Sluagh. Shadowspawn. Unseelie Sidhe fey. I am Sholto.

This is my lifestory.

I have no memories of the day I was born, and, of course, neither do I have memories of events that had happened even before. Therefore, everything I´m going to tell you now about the beginning of my life, are things I´ve been retold - some by my father, most by my nanny, a little bit by my tutor, the rest by random inhibitants of our court. Before I share it all with you, though, I need to explain a few important facts about us, fey, for you to understand. Basically, we divide into two main courts: the Seelie and the Unseelie. The Seelie, or Blessed, Court is known as the shiny one, where the "good" fey reside, though trust me, it is as well a court of illusion that can hide one too many dark secrets. The Unseelie court is the dark side of Fearie, where the mischievous, dangerous and deadly fey dwell. It is said that the Unseelie court accepts any fey, but that is not true. Both are generally open only for those with Sidhe blood, a sign of royalty.

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My mother was an unseelie Sidhe with a high rank in the court. I was told she was a wonderous thing with the most delicate white skin with a silvery undertone and shining white hair like a freshly spillt snowfall, with swirling gold in her eyes, the same tone like mine. I´ve never seen her again after the day she gave me life, so I don´t have even a vague memory of how she looked like - or maybe how she still looks like? I don´t know what happened with her, but with our lifespan, it´s highly probable that she still lives somewhere, maybe in the court, maybe as a castaway. I don´t know, I never tried to look for her. By doing what she did, she broke the bond we might have had, completely and for eternity. What good would it bring me to see her now, after all those years? I don´t need to ask her why had she given me up. I know it well, and I don´t hold it against her.

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My father was a Nightflyer, a race of fey that belongs in the Sluagh. That is, the lesser fey. The ugly fey. The most disgusting beings you could ever imagine. The nightmares, the demons that no royal fey would ever want to look at... or - the horror - lay with willingly. Well... ALMOST none.

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Don´t ask me what had sparked off this unlikely union, I couldn´t tell you. My father´s motives are kind of understandable. He was a warrior, a hero and leader of the army - which, unfortunately, eventually lead to his death in the last big war with Goblins - highly valued amongst the women of the sluagh. All he had to do was lift an eyebrow and they would stand in line, waiting for him to pick. But to touch a real beauty, a Sidhe woman, to have her glow for you - that was something unthinkable, something not even he dared to think of. Who could blame him that he took the chance when it offered itself to him? And my mother? Well, let´s just say that when you´re immortal, even handsome lovers get boring for you, and once in a hundred - or thousand - of years, you feel the urge to try something different. Something dark, seductive, dangerous, and perverse...

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Inhabitants of the Faerie mounds generally do not protect themselves to prevent pregnancy. During the centuries and millenia, the whole race grew infertile in such a meassure, that the chance of a new life being concieved is very low, and when it happens, every child is a blessing. It´s no exception that even a convict waiting for the death is spared, when he or she proves to be fertile, to make the court grow in number.

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I don´t think that either my mother or my father excepted this to happen, but nevertheless, I am a result of a single one-night stand between a Sidhe and a Nightflyer. Not a blessing, but a curse.

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Somehow, my mother managed to keep her pregnancy a secret for the longest time, and when the moment came, she locked herself in her rooms, risking her health and life for the sake of bearing me unseen by others. There was a lot to be afraid of... I could have been born a monster, I could bring her shame.

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So, without the assistance of a healer, I was born as Samhain-night child on the 31th of November 1800. My white, pearly skin and jewel-like golden eyes could make me pass for a full-blood sidhe, however, looking closer, my mother discovered some hidden sluagh traits on my body: a tattoo on my back, out of which the demon wings would eventually grow... and another one on my stomach, that I don´t want to speak about just now. Those imperfections decided about my fate.

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Afraid what would grow out of me, and rightfully so, my mother waited for the entire court to fall asleep and silently crept out the castle. If she had kept me, everyone would eventually find in me the living proof of her naughty deed and she would have to live in shame and disgrace forever. For a Sidhe, to be a respected part of the court is the most important thing, sometimes more important than blood, for we cannot stand being separated from our kind. The member of the shiny courts need one another in order not to fade away. So she run for the forest and left me on the clearing where it all started, deserted, to my fate.

Some Sidhe I know say that I am the prize my mother had to pay for her sin. I don´t think so. She is probably living somewhere still, careless, admired and happy... while I pay the prize every day of my life.

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It was Black Agnes, not my father, who found me on the clearing. Agnes is a hag - and by saying so, I´m not offending her in the least. It´s simply what she is, a night hag, the crow of the faerie. She told me later she noticed a strange, silvery-white light coming from between the trees, like if the moon itself had descended to the Earth... curiosity led her closer, and she found me, a tiny glowing thing amidst of darkness. Immediately, she knew what happened, picked me up and brought me to my father.

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Maybe I hit some string in her heart, I don´t know, but anyway, Agnes agreed to become my nanny and she took care of me in the times when my father had to haunt or battle in wars. I could say I was well taken care of, maybe even loved, but soon I realized something was wrong. I was different... and I was missing something.

[UlaumeSarestes]

PART 2: TODDLER

Those of you who have read about the way how I came to life and about the night when I was born probably can guess that my first birthday was not what you´d consider normal. Nothing in my life ever was. There were no girlands, party poppers, no clowns and magicians, candy, pinatas or cakes, not even champagner for the adults or neatly packed gifts. The Slaugh it made of nightmarish beings, for which anything even remotely cute would be a punch in the face. Nevertheless, various members of the Sluagh gathered at the gates of my father´s castle to congratulate him – mostly out of curiousity, because they hadn´t seen me yet. I had been a well kept thing and only the royals and closest friends of my father, those he knew could be trusted, had been allowed to see me during the first year of my life. Father feared – and rightly so – that I might be put in danger otherwise, because of how very different I looked like.

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I went from hand to hand (some guests had 10 hands, woah!) and read a large scale of different reactions from people´s faces, going from pure admiration to unspoken fear or disgust. Later in my life, I would see those reactions from other members of the sluagh more often than I´d like to. It was the most logical thing: I was half Sidhe, the closest thing to the idea of fey they could get. Naturally, they all longed to touch me, feel the power of the Sidhe blood in my veins, hold the precious shining thing in their ashen arms in hope that, perhaps, they would catch a glimpse of the perfection. Yet they feared it, because most of them had lived for centuries, if not thousands of years, and knew the enormous level of disrespect which they´d always been getting from the Sidhe, as well as the danger of their magic.

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When the darkness veiled the Earth, only a small group of nightflyers stayed, and lead by my father, with me in Aegle´s arms, we all walked up to the top of the tower. The moon was bloody read, as always, when a baby nightflyer is growing up, and graced us with its nightmarish light. I remember the atmosphere, the shimmering of the air as if in expectation of the event to come: The First Flight. However, although the nature embraced my „coming of age“, something was wrong. Me. My wings were still nothing more than they had been during the first year of my life: a tattoo on the picture perfect skin on my back.

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I remember my father shaking his head with sadness filling his eyes: maybe he had been hoping a miracle would happen on that important eve and my wings would finally grow, and I felt I´d disappointed him, although I was too young to understand how. „We can still take him for the First Flight“, Aegle said, waiting for my father´s approving nod. Then, the whole group took off, rising high in the air. I remember the wind sharp in my face, so that I had to gasp for the air several times, or close my eyes… but I won the fight with nausea and fear very quickly, and watching the trees and houses, smaller than my toys, running under us, I started to enjoy the freedom… and made a resolution for my childhood:

MUST. GROW. WINGS. Somehow.

When I became a toddler, the differencies between me and other members of the Sluagh became even more remarkable, to the point when I had no buddies of my age at all: when the parents brought them over to our castle, they all run away from me, hiding before my light. At first I was trying hard, not so much because I wanted to play with them, but because I didn´t want to disappoint my father and Agnes, my nanny (you remember her, don´t you?). But then, it started to anger me, and I felt the urge to poke them, too. So it happened that my most favourite activity became scaring them with mild Sidhe magic. For example, I began to levitate my toys, glowing with energy, and took justice in watching their scared faces, as they were peeking out from behind the dressers, unable to come out, unable to turn away completely. The sluagh is the most vivious, strongest race ever, but lacks this outright magic. Physically, all those kids were stronger than me, and could smash my face with one movement, but none ever dared to try.

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Of course, I had toys. Not cute toys like colourful toycars, blonde dolls, cuddly plushies and modern play houses and pink pianos for toddlers. I had dark castles, gnomes, pirate ships, toy ghosts that appeared and disappeared on command, devil figures, killer bunny and zombie teddy bear plushies, as well as other „dark stuff“. But I remember having one toy I could really die for: a white horse. I carried him everywhere with me, and even slept with him, which was considered foolish by sluagh standards, so, from time to time, Agnes would take him out of my bed and put him on the table. However, in the morning, he was back where he had been. I never recalled doing it, and it never happened in their presense. It might have been just my love for horses… My father promised me a real one, when I am big enough.

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There were other things I loved to do: one of them was gathering knowledge from books, or rather pretending to. I would bug Agnes to read to me every evening, and during the day, I would drag all those heavy books around, ramdomly open one and pretend I was reading, pronouncing words I´d made up aloud. Sometimes this was quite funny, because I´d be holding the book upside down, causing anyone who passed by to explode with wild laughter. One of these days, Agnes had to run away for a while and left me at the castle walls to play in the sand. That was, of course, nothing for me, so I dragged several books outside and browsed through them, when I heard a funny little sound. I raised my head and saw… a little horsie, a fawn looking at me from behind the wall with those big brown eyes. It was probably leaning over to grab some of the wild flowers… but for me, it was my gift and a dream comming true. I knew I had to get to it!

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I piled the books, creating a pyramid and with their help, and the help of the sporadic bushes growing there, I was able to climb over the wall… but the, the horse run a few steps away. I crawled closer, but the fawn jumped away again. I wanted to hug it so desperately, that, all at once, I don´t know how…but I was standing on my feet and waddling towards it! Aw… such a soft velvet nose…

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I don´t remember if this is the first memory I ever had as a toddler, but it is the strongest one in any case, so strong that it overrides any other memory I could have possibly had before. This night changed my entire life.

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Agnes had taken me into the woods to play on a dark, moonless night. All at once, I saw something shining through the trees as if the moon had come down to Earth. I asked Agnes, what is that? She wouldn't tell me, just took my hand and led me closer to the light.

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But it wasn´t quite close enough, so I run away from her, curiosity getting the best of me. At first, I thought they were human, except humans didn't glow like they had fire beneath their skins… and they did not have such beautiful wings on their backs. Then the woman turned her face toward us, and her eyes... Her eyes glowed, burned, honey, darker gold, then green. I was a toddler, so it wasn't their partial nakedness, or the loving posture of their bodies what captured me so, but the wonderment of that perfect glowing skin and those swirling jewell eyes. Like my eyes, like my skin. I begun to cry…

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Agnes dragged me away before they saw us. I was full of questions. She told me to ask my father. My father explained about the sidhe, and that I was one of them. Since then, he begun raising me to believe I was sidhe. I could not be what he was. But soon I had to learn, that I could not be what they were, either. They wouldn't let me belong.

[UlaumeSarestes]

PART 3: CHILD

My life didn´t change drastically with the discovery of my Sidhe heritage, that I had made as a toddler. I grew up with my father, who tried to spend every spare moment with me, because – lacking company of children my age – I was quite difficult to entertain. All races of the Sluagh are extremely tough, and due to their rather repulsive looks, they aren´t used to cuddling or playing games. They raise the little ones like wolves raise their pups: indoctrinacte them how to survive, hunt and bring the prey, dead or alive, raw flesh and blood. That´s what we are most famous for, even the Queen of the Unseelie knows the Sluagh is a power to fear, and she uses us as means of punishment. Whenever a conflict looms in the air, she sends for our warriors, and whenever a fey whom she wants to punish tries to escape her reach and hide, we are out to track that criminal, like bulldogs that never give up the haunt, until they delve the yellow fangs into the flesh of a clean-shaved leg. The Sidhe like to make use of the Sluagh in this way, but on other occasions, they hesistate to admit that we are a part of their beautiful, unspoilt faerie realm. They often forget that some of us do have a heart, and feelings… like my father. With him, I always knew someone loved me, and that was probably what saved me from turning into a cold monster, the knowledge that once, there was someone who thought of me as a gift, not a pain.

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My father also possessed two things I valued the most: knowledge and experience. And he was more than willing to pass on me all he knew. Until I reached the desired aged, he told me the entire history of the fey… how we were the first people to settle down on the British isles, how we later became gods for the humans who arrived later and called themselves Irish, about our goddes Danu and the magical artefacts she had given us – the magical cauldron which could feed a limitless number of people, and the sword that was bound to choose the kings. He taught me all about and he also told me, how the two courts, Seelie and Unseelie, came to be, and how it happened that now only the Sidhe were accepted amongst the shining folk, while other, „minor“ races, such as the sluagh, the goblins, the demi-fey, or the brownies, had their separate courts, or lived in total abandonement. He made it clear to me, that although I was being raised amongst the sluagh, my mother´s blood gives me every right to be a lord on the unseelie court and believed that one day, I will find my place amongst them.

When I was ten, the day was about to come. Needless to say I could hardly sleep out of excitement. After all the years, the day when I saw the two sidhe on the meadow was still fresh in my memory, and the longing to be amongst my own kept growing within my soul more and more every day. This very same excitement was what woke me up in time – Agnes, my nanny, who should have done that, wasn´t avialable, which should have warned me. I found her in the kitchen, arguing with my father – about me. It was the first time they weren´t able to unite in their opinions. „Why can´t you just leave him where he belongs, amongst his people?“ Agnes raged, making nasty noise with the pots. „The sidhe are his people, too“, my father said in a calm tone. „Then why did the white b*tch get rid of him? They won´t have him, and we both know this. To belong somewhere is not a thing of genetics, it´s a thing of acceptance.“ „He deserves a chance, Agnes.“ „And then what? He´ll stay at the court and forget about us, they won´t let him back and we´ll never see him again. Will that make you happy?“ „What´s happening…?“ I said silently, having lost all appetite. „Agnes doesn´t know where her place is“, my father announced, more for her than for me. She understood and hurriedly left the room, slamming the door in response.

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The fey don´t have schools like humans do, but there are certain academies where they acquire knowledge and skills that are particular to them. Most of them are centered around magic – we learn how to get better in personal glamour, use magical formulae, how to create a protective warding, strengten your concentration, how to pronounce and draw magical runes or mix healing or poisonous potions. Generally, knowledge is passed from generation to generation even outside of those academies, due to tradition, and it goes without saying, that for one´s own sake, the fey keep on developing their abilities after leaving the school to be able to survive in the dog eat dog world. In our modern days, there aren´t many schools of this kind left – I only know of the one I was supposed to visit, another, smaller one, and the royal academy. This is because the fertility of the fey has radically dropped within the last centuries, and there simply aren´t enough young ones to fill the school benches.

I entered the class with high expectations, and as my eyes flickered from one child to the other, I could but sigh. All the little fey were beautiful in the eerie way I remembered so well, and they eyes were shining diamonds swirling with colors, their skin in various tones was as shiny as mine, and they all had long, silky hair. Some of them had cute pointy ears like elves from children´s books, some carried butterfly wings of various sizes on their backs, some had scaly fishtails. One child, Adair, had feathery wings like some of the hags, but his were smooth and white like those of a mythic angel. The children were gazing back at me with interest, though some of the looks were quite gloomy, or even outright unfriendly.

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Our teacher, Beatrix, was – on the contrary – quite strange looking. Her mother was a shapeshifter, capable of turning into a cat. While in that form, she enjoyed a happy hour with a tomcat – and concieved Beatrix. I wonder whether she also had problems with being accepted, or if the Sidhe didn´t mind a bit of fur here and there. But maybe there was a reason for her being a teacher instead of a lady of the court. Either way, she didn´t seem like teaching was her dream profession, and when we did not do something right, she collapsed. Needless to mention that, being mixed with a cat, her vocal chords were extremely developed, and her attack of hysteria was nothing I´d wish anyone to hear. On the picture, she is panicking because some students didn´t mix the potion of invisibility correctly – and those were the results. Thankfully, the effects wore off after an hour and half.

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I was more than excited of all the new experiences, enjoying everything the teacher wanted us to do. However, during the lunch break, I learnt, that for the other kids, the biggest attraction was – me. They didn´t dare to get too close to me yet, like if I had some dangerous illness, and even the girl who was sitting next to me did her best to move as far away as possible to the other end of the bench. But they were assessing me with their eyes, or silently chatting together, throwing side glances towards me, so I knew I was the topic. It made me feel rather uneasy, although at that moment, I wasn´t really worried, not yet. After all, the new kid always gets some gossip, right? There would be chance to communicate later, in the garden, where we were supposed to play, waiting for someone to pick us up.

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The view of the garden made me speechless for a moment, because where I lived, everything was dark, mysterious, threatening and depressive in a way. I was a secret lover of beauty and colors, and lived for the moments, when the sun occasionally created a rainbow like a bridge to a dreamland, hanging – unreachable – over the dead trees and gloomy castle towers. It wasn´t suitable, of course, darkness suits those who haunt unseen - it wraps them like a cloak, a second skin. Darkness suits those who have something to hide. It suits the nightmares. But who could blame me for picking up every flower I found when I was a toddler? Who could blame me for learning I can appreciate them longer if I let them grow free?

I had been used to the „Lake of bones“ and „dead meadows“. This garden was a pixie Eden, where flowers, so numerous that I wasn´t able to count them or tell their names, grew all year long, graced by the foam of silvery waterfalls. The trees were softly whispering in a calming breeze, and their leaves were yellow, blue, purple and pink. Bluebirds were chirping all around and my senses were overwhelmed by the sweet scent those flower produced. Looking up, I realized that not only trees were towering over us, but also gigantic mushrooms with beautifully decorated heads, under which you could easily hide in case of a storm, and stems of grass, big enough to climb on and slide back for fun – green, yellow and pink. One day, I decided, I am going to have a castle as white as that foam, decorated with as much of pink as I can find, to shine through all the darkness, and I won´t care if everyone else will think me a freak.

For the longest time, I didn´t realize the children had surrounded me, and when I woke up from my enchantment, I found myself in a middle of a circle. I would have to be totally ignorant, not to notice their unfriendly intentions this time. I could hear them whispering, some tried to touch me but then drew back again.

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[UlaumeSarestes]

PART 4: CHILD

„What do you want?“ I snapped. „Why don´t you just talk TO me instead of ABOUT me if you want to know something?“ Someone started to giggle, but Amatheon, the pink-winged one, stepped out of the circle and spat under my feet. „And why don´t you just go back where you came from?“ „Leave him alone“, one of the girls giggled, „he looks quite okay“. „He´s cheating“, the mereboy growled, „it´s all glamour. Knock it of! Show us what you look like!“ „My father says you can´t let the sluagh in or else they´ll start breeding and produce monsters. You got to be a monster“, another girl claimed with an undying logic, „if you weren´t, you would be living in the unseelie sithen. And if you lived here we´d have known you from before.“ „You´re right Taella! Come on Sholto, show us what it is!“

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Like if that was the impulse everyone had been waiting for, a whole bunch of them stepped against me, tugging at my clothing, giggling, wanting to see. I cannot really describe properly, what happened then. I only knew I can´t let them do it, because then, my glamour might collapse due to all the stress, and they might really see what was under my shirt… I couldn´t live with such shame, not back then. Frey was about to grab the shirt and pull it up, and I… maybe I didn´t really want to do that, I´m not sure anymore. Either way, when I saw her reaching for it, I forgot those beautiful angelic curls, and her tael eyes, all the pretty skin… instead, I thought of spiders. Big, hairy spiders, spiders with long legs and red eyes, nasty, awful, scary, monster-like spiders. My hand started to burn, so I outstretched it instintively towards her… And then it happened.

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I was still thinking of the big, hairy spiders… and all at once Frey´s wings started to form into long, black legs before my eyes, and she was screaming… and I was fascinated, by Goddess, so fascinated, I kept saying…spider, spider… and she kept screaming, all the other children were screaming… Until it was over. Beatrix, the teacher, run out of the building, called by all the hysterics, grabbed my arm and dragged me back towards the house. Everyone was still screaming, and I expected something, a slap in the face, a deadly blow, anything but what happened. She looked at me with those almond cat eyes and said: „Being you, I´d disappear as quickly as possible.“ In the brief moment of understanding, and a silently muttered „thank you“, I knew that the Sidhe didn´t tolerate fur, either.

I spent the day outside in the mounds, wondering how to explain to my father what had happened, mulling the possible consequences in my head over and over. If nothing else, my first day at school was also my last, that was clear as the stars. When the night started to eat away pieces of daylight, I returned home, to find out that I wouldn´t need to say anything: someone had brought the bad news before me.

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My people talked about that evening for long years, and I don´t blame them – it didn´t happen too often, that the Queen of Air and Darkness herself, would arrive in the Sluagh sithen. If she really needed to, she contacted our king through the mirror or blade, and usually even that was done through messengers. She wouldn´t really lower herself as much as to let her wondrous eyes fall upon our hideous faces… it must have been me to have provoked this exception.

Andais arrived in the famous Black Coach, that had always been the belonging of fey rulers. Noone really knew where it came from, or when, but what we did know was, that it changed forms of its own free will. On the beginning, it was a black coach pulled by six crow-black horses, and it´s form regularly changed according to the standards of the century, until finally it changed for the last time, the horses disappeared and now it existed as a long black limousine – that, however, didn´t need a driver - with all possible comfort. The rumour was that it could fly, and many were afraid of getting into it: you never knew where it would take you, or if you´d arrive safely at all.

The Queen was waiting for me on the sidewalk, having refused to enter the house before meeting me. I stood there completely awe-struck, watching her coming closer and touching my shoulder. All the beauty I had seen earlier that day was absolutely nothing in comparison with Andais. She was the impersonation of all a Sidhe woman should have – a body that looked fragile but possessed godly strenght, alabaster white skin you were afraid to touch, black hair, not the dull crow black I had been used to, but black as the night is black, flashing moonshine, perfect features, mouth that promissed poison tasting like honey, her eyes tricolor grey: charcoal, storm cloud and pale winter sky. If you looked closer, you could see a winter storm reflecting in the pupils. And this dream looked at ME.

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„Come here, Sholto. I want to see you. Closer.“ „My queen…“ I whispered softly, doing what she asked from me. „That´s right…“, an evil smile towards my father, „he can listen, I like that. Now, little one, I´ve heard some interesting rumours about you and… a spider. Are they true?“ Alhtough a lie could have saved me, I simply didn´t have it in me to cover my deeds with fabulations, or explain how the kids had been treating me. I lowered my eyes. „Yes, my Queen.“ „I like him“, she decided, lifting my chin with her finger, like if I was an auctioned horse. „He´s a quite brave little thing. Now, lift your shirt for me, Sholto. I want to have another rumour confirmed.“ I knew that this time, I would have to obey. „Aw… what a shame“, she sighed. „If all your body was that perfect white flesh I see on your face, I´d have a place for you in the palace.“ She seemed to want to leave, but turned back at the door like if she´d forgotten something. „I´ll be sending him a private tutor, the best one“, she informed my father. „We cannot let such a power walk away uneducated, can we now?“ Again, that evil smirk in my direction. „You´re an interesting little creature, Sholto. My little gifted creature.“ The tone of her voice made me wish I wasn´t.

[UlaumeSarestes]

PART 5: TEEN YEARS

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Childhood flew by like pixie dust on a moth´s wings. While for humans, it seems like neverending days of careless games and cuddles, for the fey, it´s just the smallest pebble on the road of eternity. If lucky (though opinions on what is considered luck in this case might differ, since eternity is a blessing and a curse in one package), a fey may live for thousands of years. All at once, I ceased to be a child and became a Lord.

Despite of the apparent shortness of childhood, I can´t say I entered my teenage years unprepared. I´d recieved good schooling in history of our kind, customs and behaviours on the Unseelie court, rules and laws, and mostly in magic. My talents surprised the tutor that Queen Andais had assigned to me quite a few times. I´d trained an especially strong glamour magic, and although I mainly did it in order to be able to hide my deformity in front of the other fey, so that they could neither see, nor feel it if they touched, it proved to be a very useful ability. Most fey can only use glamour to change their appearance for the eyes of others, to make themselves less outstanding in a crowd of humans, or more luminous for the eyes of a fey they want to impress. Mine is like a thick veil of magic that extends over the area, safely covering anything that happens in it - a cry for help would seem like whispering of the wind, a gunshot like the voice of crow. It also enables me to appear quite unexpected, for which I gained the title „Lord of the shadows“. Most wonder what my other title, „The lord of that which passes between“, mean. It´s linked to another magical ability of mine, to pass from one in-between place to another. I will walk the edge of the field in Kansas where it touches the woods. It is an in-between place, neither field nor forest. I will walk, and then I´ll find myself at the edge of the Californian ocean, where it touches the shore. Noone really knows where certain fey powers come from, but I like to think that mine had been assigned to be because of my origin, the unlucky way I came to be. I am the lord of inbetween places, because I do not belong anywhere.

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Of course, not only powers started to grow in me as I became a teenager, but also the longing for love. A longing that was similar to, and also very different from, the longing for acceptance of other Sidhe I´d been full of throughout my entire childhood. It extended beyond the vague need of belonging somewhere towards the burning urge to belong to someone in particular, to be loved in a much more intimate way. It wasn´t *** what I wanted. All the females, and several males, of the Sluagh were fascinated with me once I´d grown into my teenage years, willing to experiment… but I knew better. It wasn´t just the fact that I didn´t consider any of them particularly attractive… I also managed to shake off all my illusions about the world, and I knew well that neither of them really loved me either. It was very simple – they longed for a Sidhe in their bed, for their very own glowing body to explore, and while other Sidhe would never allow the lesser fey to touch them, I was conveniently close. And, the other Sidhe wouldn´t touch me either, so what choice had I left? Loneliness, after all, wasn´t unbearable… until I fell in love.

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I had an audience at our king´s castle that afternoon, and as usually, it stretched into late night hours. Upon leaving, something I couldn´t specify yet, alarmed my senses, and curiosity led me towards it. I sped my horse to reach the area it was comming from, one of the oldest dwellings around, and run for the gate. An old song echoed in the hallway… „Little Sidhe, little Sidhe…come out to play…“ I gasped, because I suddenly realized what was it I had felt: the presense of another sidhe, something absolutely unexpected in the realm of Sluagh. The voice belonged definitely to Bronwyn, a nightflyer I knew well, but there were at least four other people of the slugh around. They must have been sent after the Sidhe and haunted him or her all the way there, until she´d hidden in the house. Now they were tracking the Sidhe, slowly but purposedly, and would certainly rip the poor fey into pieces… if I didn´t do something.

A Sidhe can feel another one of their kind much quicker than a lesser fey can, which gave me a little advantage: I immediately located her and had a few minutes to decide, what to do. Then I bumped into Thuar, an ogre with the smallest brain I´ve ever met in my life – and I had a plan. „The king told me to help you“, I announced, betting on a wild card – Thuar´s thickness. „The ***** is somewhere in the house“, the ogre replied without hesistation. „Good“, I nodded, „send Bronwyn into the stables, the rest of you just start in the cellar and proceed, I´m going up to the roof.“ They were a bloodlusty bunch, but lacked internal organisation, and so they followed my advice.

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She was crawling along the railings, a white thing made of flowery scent and moodlight, her hair red like fresh blood and swirling tricolored eyes of two shades of green with an addition of purest gold. Her tasty mouth opened to release a cry when she saw me, but I quickly placed a finger on her lips. „Sssh... I don´t mean you any harm.“ An aristocratic brow rised. „Just embrace me, I will work my glamour on you. It´s strong, so they will only feel my presence, not yours, when we´re leaving.“ She shook her head, sending the gorgeous curls flying. „So you´re on a quest to save me in distress, right Sholto?“ Time for my jaw to drop – surely not such a pretty sight like when it happened to her a while ago. „How do you know…“ „It´s quite easy – what other Sidhe would be roaming the sluagh realms after the dawn, hm? You´re the Shadowspawn, Sholto, how can I trust you? My aunt had tried to drown me when I was three, and now she sent your people after me. How can I know that this is not another trick?“ „Well…“ I regained my pride rather quickly, „you´ll just have to trust me on that, I suppose. The others are engaged in the cellar in the moment, but it might not take them long to move up our way. Either come with me, or I´m leaving you up for grabs, your choice.“

She took maybe half a second to ponder my words, and then nodded hesistatingly, and put her arms around me. In that moment, I was lost. Even as I allowed my glamour to cloak us both with a thick veil of magic, I felt something else, something more powerful than that. I lead her out of the trap, to the place where my horse was waiting, wishing all the time to be able to hold her like that forever. It was her who was in danger, but me who was shivering. The moment when it was safe for her to run home on her own had to come, and all I was left with was her „thank you“ and her name to cherish: „Meredith. But you can call me Merry.“

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The great crash in my life came when I reached the age of eighteen. The King of the sluagh, along with my father and a group of several others had been sent to catch a rouge bunch of goblins and bring them to the queen, and Agnes and me were expecting him to return for my birthday. I was looking out of the balcony in regular periods of time, and suddenly glimpsed one of our men returning – alone, half hanging down of his horse – a clear sign of lost consciousness. I run out of the door only to see him slide off the saddle and collapse on the ground, whispering… „The king…the king is dead…“ „And my father?“ I was aware that the poor warrior was dying, yet I had to know… but his eyes had already closed for the last time.

There are many a way a Sidhe can come into power – a duel might do that, or fighting in a grand battle, it can happen during ***. Then, they recieve a hand of power, an extremely strong magic, that is particular only to them, and no other fey. For me, the grief was the impulse that started it, the despair of loosing the only person who loved me, not knowing whether he had died, or whether he was laying somwhere wounded, waiting for my help, or if the goblins had captured him and made him a subject of torture. I cried, and the cry resembled a lonely wolf´s howl, long and high pitched, shaking the leaves down of the trees… The power spilled into me with a mighty force. At first, I felt it like a slash into my heart, from where it slowly crawled into my spine, pinched my arms and legs, until it started to burn under my skin and in the tips of my fingers. I was glowing so bright that the sluagh started to gather around to envision the miracle. Then, I instinctively put my hands on the dead fey´s chest, where I sensed the wound. The power found its destination and started to work its magic on him. Amazed, I watched him open his eyes and move. „You just got a hand of power“, Agnes said in a tone that sounded very much like if it was a bad thing, but I didn´t listen to her, my attention was centered on the man I had just revived. „Your father is dead“, he said, recalling my question, „everyone is. Everyone else. It was a trap… the bunch of goblins lead us into the middle of their main camp… all turned into a massacre…“ I had no words.

[UlaumeSarestes]

PART 6:

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I wasn´t granted even a few days to recover from that blow of fate, when the mirror in my bedroom cracked with power – someone was attempting to give me a call. I cleaned the mirror of the ward and Frost´s face appeared. Frost, also called „the Killing Frost“, because his touch could freeze you to death, was the leader of the queen´s group of bodyguards, called Ravens – I don´t need to mention it caught me rather off guards. „Greetings, Frost“, I squeezed out of myself, waiting for whatever was looming over my head. „Greetings, Sholto, Lord of the Shadows, Lord of that which passes between…“ he seemed to be reading my titles from an arch of paper, with a tone that hinted how much he disrespected them already. „Now, now, Frost, cut it off. What do you want?“ “Queen Andais heard of your comming of power, and wishes to see you in the Ceremony Hall in two nights from now, for the purpose of your coronation.“ My eyes must have nearly popped out of the sockets. „For the purpose of my what…?“ „The Queen wishes you to become the king of the sluagh, after the unlucky event that post is unoccupied.“ „I know this much, but I don´t have any royal blood.“ „The king of the sluagh is not a hereditory title. It is earned. The queen chooses the one who fits the best.“ I gasped, mulling over in my head the thousands of questions I longed to ask, but the connection got lost.

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Two nights later, I entered the Ceremony Hall, dressed in a new suit, having dropped my usual black. All the Sidhe royalty was present, bowing to me and shaking my hand. The Queen herself was sitting on he throne, with Frost and Doyle, another one of her guards, on her sides, since she didn´t have a consort. Those two did just wonderfully though, the best of her men: the white frost and the darkness that eats everything, both beautiful, perfect, powerful, mystical. I knelt down in front of them, as I repeated her words for my oath, and then she comfirmed the effectiveness of my oath with her sword, the most powerful weapon in faerie, that hung on the wall, to be touched solely by her hand. Like most valued weapons, the sword had been given a name: Mortal Dread, because it had the power to make an immortal as vulnerable as a human, and kill with a single blow. When it touched my shoulder, I felt nearly sacred solicitude. I am ashamed to admit it, but due to the preparations and the excitement during the event, I forgot my grief and actually stopped thinking of my father for a while, looking forwards to the event. It was something I had never hoped for, and I knew that as a King of the sluagh, my doors to the Queen´s court would also be open out of political reasons. For a brief moment, I was grateful, thinking that she simply favored me so much, that she gave me the King´s post to make me happy, to help me find a way to be accepted amongst the Sidhe. What and idiotic thought!

After the excitement, countless duties came. I didn´t mind the paperwork, the decisions and the politics – at least there was something besides mourning to entertain my brain with, and I was full of ideals back then, willing to do anything to improve the life of my people. I chose my own group of bodyguards, too. It is a common custom that a Fey Queen has male bodyguards, while a King has female ones, because they also function as the ruler´s personal harem. I chose Agnes because I thought I´d need someone who´d be always loyal, yes, the one who had been my nanny, and her best friends, two sisters, also of the nighthag kind: Segna the Gold and Nerys the Grey. Needless to say I intended to keep their function solely to protecting my body, not touching it in any way.

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Several invitations to various formal occasions on the Sidhe court followed, too, and I was happily assimilating with the shining ones. The most important was the Yule Ball in December – an olt Celtic variant of your human Christmas party, at the beginning of which the Queen announced the return of her beloved niece, princess Meredith. Imagine my surprise, when I recognized in her the sidhe I had helped some time ago! I stood there blushing like a child, as the young woman made her way across the hall to ask me for a dance. „Princess Meredith…?“ I gasped, trying to strike the waltz pose. „I remember I told you to call me Merry“, she smiled, putting her head on my shoulder. I was in heaven…

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Sadly, the drop down from heaven to hell might be quicker than one can imagine. After midnight, there was a knock on my shoulder. The Queen wished to talk to me privately in her rooms.

I found her on the couch, resting in what might have been considered a seductive pose… if the fresh blood dripping off her robe hadn´t spoilt the view. There was also a crust of drying blood on her lips, a clear sign that Andais was in a good mood: she had been celebrating Yule in her own way, amusing herself in the torture chamber. Bathing in blood of the others had always been her favourite pasttime activity, and her countless victims surely wished many a times they had been mortal. You can torture a human only as long…until they die. A fey offers entertainment of longer duration. She could have easily hidden the bloodied appearance with glamour, but she never tried to. Andais actually loved to embarass others, and sometimes she would go as far as to accept people fully nude, cloathed only in blood. I considered myself happy it wasn´t the case that night.

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„Are you enjoying yourself, Sholto?“ she asked with a little smile. „Thank you for your concern, my Queen. Yes, indeed I am.“ „Good…“ she laughed like if I´d just told her a good joke. „I´m glad your newly gained function makes you so happy… I´d have given it to you a few years ago already, but sadly your coming of power was long overdue. Then again, eighteen was probably the best age to do it after all… don´t you think? I just couldn´t… ah… postpone it any longer.“ I almost started to repeat the statement about my happiness, when the words froze on my lips. What she had just said might have sounded like words of concern, however, they were not. All the things I hadn´t been able to see before clicked and fell into the proper places in my head. „You…“ I breathed out, but my voice grew stronger and stronger as I continued talking. „It wasn´t a trap from the goblins my father and our king had fallen into, it was your doing, yours alone. You got rid of my father and the king so conveniently and even made me grateful, in the same way like you tried to kill your OWN NIECE when she was just a toddler and nearly had my people hunt her down later. I don´t want your mercy, nor your titles, I don´t want anything from you because it´s all covered in blood of those I hold dear!“

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Andais rose from the sofa, still smiling, but the storm was already beginning to form in the depth of her eyes. She extended her right arm towards me, and the air in the room immediately became thicker. „I think you´re wrong, Sholto“, she hissed, and for a while I could swear I saw a forked tongue in her mouth, „you DO want something I can give you. Your life.“ The Queen has the Hand of Air… which means she can make the air in a room completely unbreathable, forcing everyone present to suffocate. I tried to gasp for breath, my lungs felt like on fire already, but there was nothing to suck into them. The second seemed to have turned into hours, and she just stood there, smiling, forcing the words into my barely conscious mind. „You will be a king, dear, although you deserve to die, but I´ll forgive you, just this once, because you are young. Yes, you will live, and you will be greateful…because if not…“ As I lay on the floor suffocating, watching the caleidoscope unexistent colors that were slowly turning to black, she suddenly stopped the magic, grabbed me by the shirt and pulled me up again. „You bore me, Sholto. You may now go.“

[UlaumeSarestes]

PART 7: ADULT


I´ve grown used to my role rather quickly, and as the queen had prospected, I enjoyed my post, despite of the way in which it had fallen into my hands. Of course, I still wanted to strangle Andais, but I did not have the power necessary to perform such an act of desperation, so I decided to wait… Wait for a weak moment of hers, wait for allies, wait for an opportunity. Immortals are good at waiting, and politics is a fragile business, especially on the Unseelie court. The future might bring many changes, one just has to be ready, always on the right place, at the right time. I went through the long, exhausting process of learning the necessary things a good ruler should know - to fight for things I could influence and accept those I couldn´t change, in order to spare myself and my people of shame.

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The castle of the previous king became my new home. It was larger than I could even imagine, because whenever I´d visited the king in his seat, I only got to see a selection of rooms that were open for the public. However, it was as dark, cold and uninspiring as my previous home had been – a custom of the sluagh I didn´t approve of. Monsters do not need to surround themselves with beauty, only to be constantly reminded of what they cannot have. Although I kept the dark, scary image worthy of the King of the Sluagh on the outside of the castle and in the public areas, I have to admit that I was petty enough to secretely decorate my private chambers in the poshy, fashionable manner I saw at the Queen´s court. It was a little comfort of mine I needed badly. Yes, despite of all I had to suffer from Andais and the Sidhe in general, despite of all the dirt I knew about them, I still longed to at least match, when I couldn´t belong. They say it´s better to serve in Heaven than rule in Hell. True, the Unseelie court is far from Heaven, but even so, I needed their company no matter what, like every Sidhe needs another, and something in me was slowly dying. I would never sink as low as to show it in front of my people though, and since I tried to always be fair – although the world has never been fair to me – the Sluagh soon proclaimed I was the best king they´d ever had.

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My powers were growing with experience, but my physics stopped changing when I reached the age of twenty three. Every fey, eventually, stops aging. When it happens is unsure beforehand and mostly determinated by genetics, but generally it is between their 20th and 40th year of life. It was quite early for me – another ironical twist of fate, for I was now stuck forever with the body of a monster and a dollface. I still had the black clothing to make me manly, but in fact it wasn´t needed at all, for the subtle looks didn´t mislead anyone. The Sidhe were aware of my reputation and feared me or simply avoided me.

Of course, I couldn´t keep dreaming forever, I was just a man after all… so I tried it too, the oh so praised ***ual life. I´d had Segna and Nerys… and after that, I had Agnes too, several times. So what if she had been my nanny? She hasn´t aged. The exchange of body fluids didn´t do much for me, probably because they were all too harsh, probably because there were no feelings involved – or at least not from my side – and most likely because they weren´t sidhe. A Sidhe lover is what fills my fantasies. When two sidhe in love share their precious moments, every inch of them was a shimmering, glowing thing. It´s like if a moon was hidden under their skin, its rays shining through... their bodies appear to be carved from light, filled with color and magic. That power rises off their bodies, embracing like some invisible, living silken blanket. You want to embrace it, to feel it enfold you, to burn in it and never let go. When they touch, it happens twice... the touch of their skin being the smaller, less important thing, because at first, their magic meets, and when their glow molds into one, immense power, lovemaking turns into magic and wonders happen. I long to have a Sidhe glow for me… one day… and I have always been thinking of a very special one. Meredith.

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Over the years, she became even more unreachable for me than she had been ever before due to a major change on the Court. Queen Andais, who had been believed to stay on the throne forever (mostly because noone could imagine her giving it up willingly, and noone dared to assassinate her either), announced that due to the recent discovery of her own infertility, she would pass the function on to Meredith as soon as Merry got pregnant. As I had already mentioned earlier, fertility is a considerable problem for the fey – not many of us are able to concieve a child. Thinking about it deeply, it might be a natural prevention of the world swarmed by fey. There can only be a certain number of immortal ones… Regardless of that, the ruler must be able to concieve, because the prosperity and magic of fearie realms depends on the Queen´s or King´s fertility. To stop that from happening, she would have to step away, and Meredith was the possible heir. As such, she started living a rather adventurous ***ual life, involving at least twelve Ravens (bodyguards), amongst which Frost and Doyle had the leading place. All those men were perfect Sidhe, fit to become the royal consort and likely to father the most unique child. Occasionally, I saw her in their company and admired from afar the beauty she had become.

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Months passed until I was able to meet her alone… quite by random. I was sitting on the faerie mounds, watching flowers, horses, butterflies and other cheerful things in order to calm down. "One of these days I shall wipe that ironical grin off your face forever..." I muttered under my breath. "Who's ironical grin would you be talking about?" a playful voice asked. „No need to fear…“ I smiled back at Merry, „not your pretty face…“ She sat down beside me. "I'm glad... even with everything that has gone on lately, i don't think irony has been there for me." Her smile was gone as soon as she realized she didn´t need to pretend anything before me. "You seem tired, Merry", I said gently, tempted to brush her glorious mane away from her face, a gesture that would grant me the smallest possible touch - but I did nothing. „To rule is never an easy task...and quite and ungrateful one, I know. I promise you I won´t be adding to your problems - quite on the contrary. You´ll always have my support."

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"I really apreaciate your words, you'll never know how much that means to me." she whispered. „Here I am, surrounded by so many men who only want me because I am all they can have. I wish I could have a night, just one night, with someone who wants me for who i am, and not what I am going to be. F*cking me would help them to the throne, if I get pregnant I am queen. Whoever succeeds will be the king." I finally lifted my hand to stroke her cheek. "I can´t believe how little you still think of yourself. Of course… they do want the power, but all the same, you are the best they could ever get. The best anyone could get.“ There was a moment of silence. Then, I took her hand in mine. "I never wanted to f*ck you, Merry, as you so nicely put it. I wished to be to one to make love to you. The only one..." For a while, she hesistated… then she gave me the most beautiful smile of all and put her arms around me. I worked my glamour, wasting a lot of magic, but it was my first time being hugged by a Sidhe, and I couldn´t let her feel what was sluagh under my shirt. She knew, though, and gave a small sigh. "Sholto, I need to get to know you, all of you. If you hide even one part of yourself, I will be cheated of the total experiance and I will never be able to decide. I know what you are hiding, and no matter how much I like you, I cannot be sure if I can handle it in an intimate way…unless I try." I nodded, thankful at least for the honesty. „Yes… we should… but not here. In my rooms, where they can´t surprise us. Tomorrow.“

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Needless to say I hadn´t been sleeping that night, shivering with expectations of what might or might not come. Even as she arrived and allowed me to help her undress, I couldn´t believe she was really there, in my bedroom where I´d been dreaming of her a thousand nights, looking at me with the tricolored emerald eyes that perfectly matched her underwear, decorated with red roses that complimented the veil of her hair. She was a goddess that descended upon Earth for me, and I vowed to touch her like that… if I´d get the chance. „Do I get to see you now?“ I asked softly, tracing her jawline with my finger. „Do I get to see you?“ she asked back, and despite of her smile I could sense the importance of that wish. „May I get a kiss first?“ I begged, shivering as she started to unbutton my shirt. „Why?“ „I am afraid…“ I admitted hoarsely, „…that I would get none afterwards.“ She pulled me closer and let her lips brush mine, gently at first, then with more persistance, forcing me to open my mouth. It was nearly rough, but sweet nevertheless, and took certainly a couple of minutes – or least it seemed like that to me, because the time had stopped.

When our lips finally parted, she proceeded to undress me, but I removed her fingers from my shirt, stepping away a little. „Let me do that myself…“ She didn´t argue and moved to wait on the bed, while I dropped my glamour, turned with my back towards her, hesistating. „Come on, Sholto. Turn around. I have to see for myself.“ So I did...

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The Queen had always said „It is a pity you have a nest of tentacles in the middle of one of the most beautiful sidhe bodies I have ever seen“. It´s not a damn pity, it´s a curse. Some nightflyers have them, they function like extra limbs that can aid in a battle, or do extremely difficult needlework at the other hand. A couple of them were sensitive as secondary ***ual organs. Needless to question the Goddess now, why couldn´t I get the demon wings instead – those would be, perhaps, acceptable and way easier to ignore. Wings wouldn´t make the others run away in disgust. On Meredith´s accord, I have to admit she did try. At first in a rather detached, scientific way… then carefully, trying to avoid any possible touch… but in the end, she gave up. It was just too much. I didn´t want to hear her appologies… what would it change?

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I simply hadn´t been born for love. It just felt so terribly unfair… I tried to force myself to learn to live with it, but it grew more and more difficult from day to day, like an aching open wound all the way through my heart, and the pain was slowly killing me from inside. It was terribly tiiring to have to move on, knowing there will never be a cure to it. One day, I was standing in front of the big mirror in one of my private rooms, torturing myself with the sight of my marred body… and suddenly I knew what had to be done. I wasn´t really thinking about the pain or possible danger of my actions, all I wanted was to be rid of them, because then she might have wanted me. She could get over scars. Scars do not move, do not get in the way, do not resemble something slippery that lives at the bottom of the ocean. I took the sword in my hand and swung it.

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The next thing I knew was that I woke up in Agnes´ room, weak and in terrible pains, with bandages already soaked with blood hidden under a clean nightshirt. Apparently I had overestimated the tolerance of a fey body. I basically shaved them off along with the skin, creating a wound that refused to heal and resulted in a major loss of blood. Agnes was sitting on the floor, half leaning on the bed, her eyes studying my face. She had probably fallen asleep like that and only my sudden movement woke her up. She was looking at me calmly for what seemed an eternity, before she opened her mouth. "I thought we were here to protect you from possible assassination attempts. Should have guessed you need to be protected from yourself." I didn´t like her tone, but I was too exhausted to comment. "You know they will grow back, right?" she shook her head. "They always do." I lowered my eyes. Of course I knew, but there was hope... "Maybe it would take some time..." I replied weakly. "Time for what?" Agnes got agitated. "For you to screw that b..." I raised my hand to stop her. "You won´t be calling Meredith like that." "Oh?" she lifted an eyebrow. "And who could possibly stop me?" "I am your king, Agnes", I pronounced with some difficulties, "and you will do what I tell you to."

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She shook her dark head. "You are a fool, that´s what you are. You should have never tried to have something in common with them. The Sidhe are all alike." "How could YOU know them so well?" Agnes replied with a speed that hinted she had been prepared for that question. "Because I was one. There are more ways for a fey to become Sluagh, that just being born that way. It was a curse in my case. You couldn´t know... this happened long before you were born." The world was spinning with me, as the burning question circled in my head... "But how? How can you live like this, when you actually..." Again, she gave me the look that made me feel like an inadequate child. "I could have been worse off, don´t you think? I could have been born a human and die after some sixty, seventy years. I could have been blinded, deaf or mute, or paralysed. Being less than perfect is still better. You need to accept what you have and make the best of it, instead of wanting what you can´t have. It won´t bring you anything good, ever. Maybe, if you open your eyes, you will find out someone already loves you."

I know she expected a different answer, but I just closed my eyes and made myself comfortable in the pillows. "I want to sleep..."

[UlaumeSarestes]

PART 8

Nothing ever ends, everything goes on...

Years were running quickly and things got more and more complicated in the unseelie politics. Andais was still on the throne, more evil and fire-breathing than ever, taking out her anger, caused by the circumstances, on everyone who came in handy with the smallest infraction. The hallway of mortality was echoing with shrieks of those poor souls twenty-four hours a day and when you had to walk past it, you authomatically tiptoed, almost physically pushing away the thick mist of pain, collected on the adjacent corridors. Noone dared to go out unarmed these days. Magic was slowly disappearing from the palace, flowers were continually fading and the butterflies were leaving our meadows in whole swarms, but where they went to, nobody knew. Despite of all that, Andais still refused to give up the throne, as it would mean going back on her own word: she had promised to make Merry the ruler as soon as Meredith produced a heir. And that wasn´t happening. I was starting to think some magic or curse had to be involved in that, because Meredith had four different fertility deities in her ancestry line… and my suspicion might have been right.

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A hundred of years ago, the Queen´s son had been exiled out of Faerie, and although some of us had forgotten him and others attempted to forget for the memories of him were all but pleasant, the time has come for his punishment to elapse. Cel returned with more glory than expected. Apparently, he had been in contact with his followers all the time of his exile and built up a rather strong fan base of those Sidhe, who highly disappeared of the presence of human blood in Meredith´s family tree. Awkward, I know… who can say he has pure blood nowadays, when people of all races and mystical creatures of all kinds have the chance to meet and breed. But it´s probably the ancient age of some of us… immortal beings tend to stick to customs several centuries or even milleniums old, any anything they aren´t familiar with turns out to be difficult to accept. Now all those purists gathered and started a countless row of attacks on Meredith, attempting to get rid of her in the easiest way and preserve Cel as the only heir. Thankfully, all those Ravens around her kept her safe through the worst times… but all things on the Earth have their good and their bad side. The breaking moment was looming over our heads…

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One warm night in may, my bedroom mirror buzzed with energy, making me turn around with a shock – as if I hadn´t been expecting the call for says already. It was unavoidable and long overdue, and I have been fastforwarding the scene in my head again and again, well prepared for what Andais would ask me, with a steel-hard decision about how my answer would sound.
„Lord Sholto.“
I smiled towards the mirror, hoping my face looked as dangerous as hers when she smiled. „It´s King Sholto, my Queen.“
She swallowed whatever reply she might have had in store for my rudeness, which alone was a clear sign of her desperate situation. I was holding all the aces in my hand and a few were stuck up my sleeves. The time has come when I grew so powerful that she couldn´t do without me. I was not the boy she had tried to choke in her bedroom anymore, and she knew it well.
„Soldiers from both sides are gathering at the gates, Sholto“, she pronounced, studying my face, „the battle for the throne might start at any minute now. I need the Sluagh to back up Cel.“
I kept the smile on my face and slowly lifted my hand to cloak the mirror with a ward, so that noone of the Sidhe could get through after I was finished with her.
„No.“
„I think I didn´t hear you!“ the anger in her voice made me the happiest fey ever.
„No. As simple as that.“
„You will regret this, Sholto“, I heard before her threatening grimace vanished from my sight.
„No, Andais“, I thought for myself, „you will“.

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The sidhe had never given me anything, and I was not going to be a part of that battle and let my own people die for their petty conflict. Noone and nothing could make me change my opinion... or least so I thought until Doyle appeared at the gate.

It had to be him to come, the perfect sidhe with the blood of Wild Hunt boiling in his veins, making him the most gifted shapeshifter who could outrun the most in the form of a black hauntdog, a black stallion or an eagle. One that Meredith loved and one who hated me as much as I hated him. I knew that Meredith´s side was loosing, othewise Doyle, he of all people, wouldn´t have swallowed his pride.

When I saw him approach, his body changing from the roaring stallion he had been into the perfect Sidhe form, I already predicted he would persuade me it was time to forget the hathred and bring back the magic of old times.

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There had never been and never will be anything as pointless as that clash, in which high lords, former gods, were trying to slaughter each other with all the power they had left. The view of the battlefield scared me, for it could easily happen that both possible rulers survived but the court would be half empty. My own energy gathered in the centre of my body and started to pulse in my weins, and this time there was more to it than ever before, supported by Doyle´s impatience for the hunt and fueled by fear for Merry. I think I heard Doyle say "it´s time to bring back the wild hunt", but I cannot claim it with certainty. All I remember are his eyes, shining from the black face that seemed to be changing shapes from the black dog to horse, to eagle, to man, to monster...

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The air was ready and started to shape itself around me as I started to form the Wild Hunt in my mind... as strong as it had been in the old times, things made of the night itself, shapeless yet taking any shape, with those eyes shining from the abyss threateningly, the worst nightmares a mind can conjure up yet moving with terrible beauty, the power that swallows up all things. And there were masses of them, sliding out of the forest, from under the branches, from behind the trees, descending from the nightsky, rising from the mud, filling all the space left on the meadow, moving like black waves of a toothy ocean. I could hear shrieks, of which Frost´s voice appeared to be outstanding: "Don´t look, Merry, don´t look!" and Doyle´s "blood..." In the moment, he belonged more to me than ever before.

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I realised almost too late, that once the Wild Hunt was there, it needed to be directed, otherwise there would be no Sidhe left when they were finished... not even Doyle himself, or me at that matter. The shrieks of the fey and the turmoil caused by the black army produced a cacophony of sounds that resembled a raging tornado, and I had to shout out loud, addressing the hunt. "Children of old times! Today, I give you Sidhe blood! Find those who cause all the hathred! Get those who are unable to compromise! Take those whose hearts are black as your flesh. They are yours."

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It was like an eternity standing in the middle of a storm, struggling to stay on my feet. The black clouds, moving up and down like one massive breathing body, were impossible to look through. Only when all was finished, I was able to see the whole scene, on which only a few were missing... Amongst them Andais and her son.

The healers rushed onto the meadow, helping the wounded ones to pick up quicker, some Sidhe were looking at me with both awe and fear reflecting in their tricolored eyes... some even came closer to whisper a short thank you or shake my hand.

Doyle was perfectly Sidhe again, gracious as everyone recalled him, and I don´t think the others even noticed... but I will remember the picture of him within the hunt forever, and he knows that I know. That should be enough. As soon as the clouds dissolved, I found him pulling Meredith and Frost in a hug, and when she embraced the two of them, her lovers, dark and bright like the two sides of life, I felt a stab in my heart. But this time, it didn´t hurt so much.

Meredith will now rightly become the Queen, and I foresee many changes in near future.

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Much changed over the years. I have accepted what I am and l do not hide the tentacles with glamour anymore. I wear them proudly, for I now understand that they are also a part of my personality, without which I´d never be whole. There is a reason for everything, and every bad experience in my life tought me a certain lesson I needed to learn, pushed me a step forward and unveiled some of my powers.

I stand stronger than ever, proud of who I am. Maybe I wasn´t born for love, but I was born for great deeds. My heart is open, though, should love ever find me...